My dreams, they are the only way I can see you again. I dream of you almost every night. It’s the same dream, over and over again. My mind still cannot process you are gone.
I don’t remember the setting or what was taking place. I was working on a project at home, and there you are. It’s been a trick. You never passed away. You haven’t been gone for the past 2 years. It’s been pretend.
I run towards you and give you the biggest hug. You are back. I have my brother again, I have my best friend.
Then I wake up. Another one of these dreams. Another sign showing my heart and my mind still can’t accept you are gone.
I walk Rufus every morning around the lake in Loring Park. We take the same route every morning, and we always take in the beauty of the nature that surrounds us. I always think of you when we pass the lake. It’s been over a month since we moved back, and we see this bird. This same bird in the same place, every morning. It’s a beautiful oriole.
It’s you, I know it’s you. It’s you watching over me. You believed in reincarnation and I believe in this as well. It always stares down at us as we pass from below. It gives my heart a sense of comfort.
I’ve been meaning to explain the name behind my blog site. The girl with the dinosaur tattoo. Austin, ever since you were born you loved dinosaurs. I was so lucky to have someone who loved all these cool things I probably would have never have learned about.
Everything from dinosaurs, nature, science, to fish were some of you biggest passions in life. It was so much fun growing up together with you, seeing all the Jurassic Park movies, playing dinosaurs and having you correct me on all these random dinosaur facts. You are probably one of the few people in this world that knew everything there was to know about dinosaurs, and I just loved it.
You used to buy all the dinosaurs toys, books, and movies. We had the best memories of my childhood, playing dinosaurs together and you teaching me all there was to know about dinosaurs. You loved teaching me, you would have been the most wonderful father. You were so patient, understanding and kind.
You didn’t do social media, and I know why. Social media is more bad than it is good. You did have snapchat though. I loved to snapchat you. Your snapchat name was Dinomandraves. Doctor Allan Grant from Jurassic Park was nicknamed “Dino Man,” and you Austin, were the true Dino Man of this generation.
I’ve tried honoring you in so many ways since you’ve left us. The one thing that bonded us was our same love for tattoos. It made me so happy that you took after your big sister and got a tattoo. I have replicated your left arm in tattoos exactly. It makes me feel closer to you. Tattoos are my therapy. Awhile back when I was thinking of my next tattoo, I thought about a dinosaur.
Velociraptor was your favorite dinosaur. You always became so angry when they would appear in Jurassic Park, because the writer’s didn’t correctly depict the true look of them. In the movie, they appear to be 6 feet high, no feathers. But in real life, they were maybe 3 feet tall with feathers and were very similar looking to a bird.
I remember time after time, watching the movie with you and having you go off in a rant about how a velociraptor doesn’t look like this in real life. It always made me smile. You were so passionate about so many things.
You also wore a velociraptor claw on your neck. Dr. Grant carried a velociraptor claw in his pocket. You were the next doctor Allan Grant. Dinosaurs were our thing, it’s something we shared together and it makes me think of wonderful memories together of our childhood.
So, when I was thinking about naming my blog, I couldn’t think of anything better. That’s my story behind the name of my blog and I hope it makes sense now.
So much has changed since you have been gone. My whole self has changed. But you will always be my dinoman. You will always be the brilliant professor.
Until next time.
So it goes.