The day I dread the most..

The day I dread the most is coming up.  And no matter what I do to try to stop time, and stop this awful day from coming, I can’t.  It will still happen.  I will relive that day, over and over again in my mind.  Like a broken record that repeatedly plays.  Even if my... Continue Reading →

Anxiety, it’s back.

It’s been awhile, almost a year since I’ve last wrote.  My writing was part of my therapy, part of putting my words, thoughts and feelings down on a screen.  Acknowledging that this is my life now, that this is the real deal.  I’m not dreaming, I am very much living in this nightmare.  Still, after... Continue Reading →

Living with the Guilt

It's 2:00 AM.  I can't sleep.  I'm afraid to sleep. I'm afraid to close my eyes. I'm afraid of what will when happen when I do. I'm afraid of having another dream of you dying.  I've had two of these dreams, in the past week. They've shaken my soul. Survivor's guilt.  Sibling guilt.  I've read... Continue Reading →

A sign from you

A sign. That's all I'm asking from you. A sign that you are okay. That you are in peace finally. The closet thing I've gotten from you are my dreams. I constantly dream of you. Small signs that you are okay. I can only take this as you trying to tell me things. I've written... Continue Reading →

Peace

Everything is grey. Everything has been grey since you left. The sky. The grass. The clouds. The world. Grey. I’d do anything to feel the color again.  Anything to feel except numbness.  That’s all I’ve felt since you left us.  Numbness.  The pain seems to turn into feeling numb.  The extreme emotional and physical pain... Continue Reading →

The Abuse Lives On.

My dreams. The reoccurring memories that continue to play in my mind, every time I close my eyes each night I dream of you.  My dreams are a constant reminder that you are still gone, and that you’re never coming back. I’ve tried blocking out everything bad, everything bad in my past so I can... Continue Reading →

“I’m Fine…”

It’s been two years, two years since my life forever changed. Since the person I grew to be, completely vanished.  That girl I used to know is gone. She will never come back. In one second, the entire baseline of who I was left this world.  The second you left, I left with you. 730... Continue Reading →

Time.

Time. There is never enough time.  There is never enough amount of time to have a living soul here on earth.  Time comes and goes, flashes from one moment to the next. We measure time in seconds, minutes, hours…  But after I lost you, I don’t measure time anymore.  I measure time by my memories... Continue Reading →

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