Your birthday

It’s been another year. Time has no meaning when you’re gone. It’s these kinds of days where I wish I could stay in bed all day and pretend that you’re still here.  That I can pick up the phone and call you, wish you a happy birthday and make plans to celebrate.

It’s so hard living without you, living without my best friend.  Yet, here I am going through the motions every day, hoping I wake up from this terrible nightmare.  But this nightmare is my life now.

I only had 20 years with you.  20 years seems like such a small fraction in the grand scheme of life.  20 years of memories, memories that I hope I will never forget.  One of my biggest fears now is that I’ll forget you.  I’ll forget our time we spent together.  I’ll forget you, brother.

I try now, to live for you.  It’s hard.  So hard to do this, but I know this is what you want me to do.  Each day I think of something that you would have done.  You had the most gentlest soul, and I try to be more like you.

I’m struggling to write today, I usually am able to pour my feelings out as I type on my laptop.  Today I can’t.  I’m trying to find the words to describe how I’m feeling today.  And I just can’t.  I miss you more than you will ever know.  I wish every second that I still had you here, that I could tell you how much I love you, and how important you are to me.

You are always my brother.  You will always be my best friend.  You will always be dinoman.  Happy 24th birthday brother.

Until next time.

So it goes.